Monday, March 16, 2009

My favorite word...

I am an educated woman. I hold a degree from San Francisco State University in English Literature. My favorite word in the English language is fuck. There I said. I fully admit it. Hate me if you must.

I say my favorite word often, attaching many words to it such as: fucking bitch, fucking whore, fuck me!, fucking a!, and my personal favorite that I got from the movie "Heathers" Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. I utter my favorite word often over the progression of a day--many times in my head due to my job, however, when I don't have to hold it back, I don't. I like that so many people find the word so awful and offensive and that I feel rebellious and defiant everytime it rolls off my tongue or dashes through my muddled mind.

This brings me to a story involving my best friend, The Queen, and my nephew (her son). My bestie called me on Friday and told me that my adorable, wonderful and perfect nephew had gotten in trouble at school. I asked why and she informed me that he had been watching a fight at school and then called a teacher a fucking bitch. I had three thoughts when she told me this. The first was: "Holy shit, elementary kids get in to fights now?!?!?" The second was a feeling of guilt as my bestie and I are pretty free with our language around him. The third was, was the teacher indeed a bitch? If so, my nephew should be absolved of his crime and given a medal for honesty. Truth hurts ya fucking bitch. I was steamed that he had gotten in trouble so I told my friend that she needed to speak to this woman immediately. Post haste. No one punished my nephew for uttering the truth. If she thought fucking bitch was bad out of his mouth wait until she heard what I had to tell her. Whore. Turns out the witch never even heard my nephew say the dreaded, truthful words and that it was hearsay that my nephew admitted to. I still cried foul and demanded that I be able to attend a meeting with this woman. My bestie asked me what I would do if a student had called me a fucking bitch and I told her that it had already happened. She asked me what I did. I told her that I laughed said "duh" and kept on teaching. I'm like Glinda the Good Fucking Bitch. The woman that punished my nephew is the Fucking Bitch of the West that had the evil monkeys and died from a bucket of water. Needless to say, if I ever do become a parent I may have to change my opinion, but I doubt it.

I can remember another time that my bestie and I were out at Wal-Mart, The Redneck Disneyland, and our free use of the word fuck backfired on us. My beautiful nephew was barely learning how to talk at the time and I forgot what I told The Queen. Her response? Fuck you. Less than ten seconds later we hear my nephew gurgle out "uck ou". We tried to correct him, but we were too busy laughing. Even through the giggles we tried to correct him, but I don't think he took us seriously as evidenced by his alleged insult of the teacher last week.

So, will I ever stop using the word fuck? Um, no. Will I ever curb my use of it around my nephew? Probably not, because lets face it at this point he's already attaching other words to it so it is ingrained in his vocabulary. I do vow to teach him the correct uses of it as an adjective, verb, and whatever other part of speech it fits.

The bottom line: You can take the girls out of the ghetto, but never the ghetto out of the girls. Some people might find it appalling, but my bestie and I are who we are, whether we are out at the Redneck Disneyland, at our houses watching Idol, at the park at a birthday party or at any other event in our lives. And not to get mushy, but I love my bestie more than anything because around her I never have to pretend--she is my constant and she has been for 28 years. Besides the gift of friendship she has given me the gift of being a Godmother and an Aunt. Does it really matter if we say fuck a lot and pass it on to the boys? Okay, maybe it does, but fuck it ;)


  1. okay not that I'm proud of my child because he knows better and shouldn't use these words (out loud at least) but the world is what it is and if he doesn't hear them from us he's going to hear them regardless...

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