Saturday, February 21, 2009

Pimps, hoes, and

Last night as I loaded the dishwasher and cleaned up after a fun and delish Friday Night Dinner with my girls I took a break and did some channel surfing. Seriously, I should have just turned on my iPod and never turned the television on--I lost some of my faith in humanity in the short time I channel surfed.

First, I found an MSNBC special about the sex trade. It profiled the police department in Oakland, CA and what the task force does to cut down not only on prostitution, but also on helping the underaged prostitutes get away from their pimps. My stomach churned as I heard a story about a ten year old they had arrested with her thirteen year old mentor. I started to lose my dinner after they showed a seventeen year old with a giant contusion on her head she had received from "falling" i.e. her pimp kicked her ass. I couldn't stomach it after that and so I turned the channel determined to find something a little happier...

Then it happened. In the middle of looking for another channel to watch I ran across a commercial for a website entitled It is a website that allows women and men (one of whom is allegedly "affluent") to find each other and "have adult fun". EW. It was like what I had just been watching about pimps and hoes only these men and women were not prostituting themselves for drugs or rent they were doing it for material possessions--the kind they sell at Bloomies and the Chanel boutique. I quickly turned off the television and turned my iPod on and resumed my clean up--disgusted with some of the people in the human race.

Now, don't get me wrong I love Bloomies and Chanel just as much as the next girl. It hurts that unlike most springs I am not the proud owner of a new pair of designer sunglasses or the Chanel spring line because I have a mortgage payment now, but I don't love those things more than myself or my pride and self-respect. What happened to earning what you have in life? The more I thought about it the more irritated I got.

I don't make a huge amount of money in my chosen profession, but it is enough to give myself a home and simple luxuries. I'll admit that I wince whenever I see all the stuff I can't afford anymore (Chanel makeup, Coach shoes, Coach purses, jewelry, expensive clothing, etc.), but then I get back to my house and I'm okay with it. The society that we live in is unfortunately not about being happy with what you have. It is about wanting more and getting it at all costs. I used to be like that and I still battle with that part of myself, but I am learning that it really is about being happy with what you've got and not what you don't have. I bet if some of the people (myself included) who live for material possessions would stop and take stock for a minute or two they would find that everything they truly need and truly want they very likely already have.

No, I don't have a Vuitton. I will probably never shop for clothes at Neiman Marcus. I will very likely never own a pair of Chanel shoes. But, I have my house, my family, my friends, and enough material crap from before that I don't really need anything. Everything I need is right here. That is a good thing.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Gu Jun Pyo vs. Ji-Hoo

Okay, so unless you are an avid (obssessed) fan of BBF (Boys Before Flowers) then you have no idea who Jun Pyo and Ji-Hoo are so for all you non-F4 folk out there I will attempt to provide a brief synopsis of each character and their significance to the protagonist Geum Jan Di.

Ji-Hoo: Super rich, a member of the F4, the most powerful clique of boys at Shinwa School. The F4 run the school and Ji-Hoo is the most level headed one of them all. His family was all killed in a car accident when he was very young and he retreated in to a deep depression until Seo Min Hyun brought him out of the dark. Needless to say that, in true soap opera form, Seo Min, is Ji-Hoo's first love who he ends up following to Paris. Ji-Hoo comes back from Paris realizing that he loves Jan Di, but it is too late as she is already falling for Jun Pyo--the man who was once her sworn enemy. Anyhow, Ji-Hoo is Jan Di's constant and continually provides her a shoulder to cry on and sees her through all that life throws at her, including, most recently, the broken heart she received at the hands of Gu Jun Pyo--her true love.

Gu Jun Pyo--The leader of the F4, and the heir to the richest corporation in Korea. He red carded Jan Di at the begining of the show but as she stood up to him he began to fall for her. He truly loves Jan Di--he's laid his life on the line quite a few times already, but he broke her heart and told her that she was a "stain he wanted to erase" in order to protect her and her family from his domineering and horrible mother who threatened Jan Di if Jun Pyo didn't break up with her.

Now, I know that I probably have had way too much time on my hands this week, but I was thinking about it and anyone with any brains would run screaming from Jun Pyo and stay with an awesome guy like Ji-Hoo. Then I put myself in Jan Di's place and wondered what I would do, and I knew instantly--Gu Jun Pyo all the way. What is it about the bad boys that break our hearts? Why are some women and men (myself included) so damn attracted to men that we know are just not in our best interests? Is it the passion? The excitement? The pride in knowing that only you could tame the man who could never be tamed? I don't get it.

I am 30 years old--I don't need or want any drama in a relationship. I want a guy like Ji-Hoo. The nice, caring guy who always tries to make you happy--at least that's what I tell myself. What if picking the nice guy means a life that is destined to be boring and banterless? What if you pick the nice guy only to wish you had waited for the bad boy that you could banter with and tame? What if picking the nice guy means no more adventure, no more passion? I'm not saying I want to have a relationship that is a series of constant arguments, but banter is always fun.

I know BBF is not real--well aware, but it always makes me think about my bad boy complex. I know at the end of the soap opera Jan Di will have fully tamed Jun Pyo and they will ride off in to the sunset leaving Ji-Hoo far behind. I also know that it only happens on soap operas and that in real life bad boys usually ride off in to the sunset without you, leaving you to pick up the pieces of a broken heart. Why then am I so fascinated by them? Why can't I resist the possibility of one? Why do I want Spike and not Angel? Why Jun Pyo and not Ji-Hoo? Why Big and not Aidan? Why can't I get it in to my head that nice guys are the way to go???

Ah well, off to bed, undoubtedly dreaming of bad boys and of all the havoc they wreak with a smile on my face.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Sunday, Rainy, Sunday

How do ubernerds spend their Sundays? By continuing on their journey to learn Korean by osmosis. Once again I logged on to youtube and began to stare at Boys Before Flower vids that were not subtitled in English. Sigh. It didn't work and soon I was back on the site with the subtitles. I have not yet conceded my fight, but I have a feeling I may concede soon. Probably by tomorrow this time--why? Because the new episode of BBF will be up and subtitled by then.

Aside from learning Korean, rainy Sundays are also great for self reflection. I won't bore anyone with the details of what goes on in my head during these times, but I think the picture of what I want, who I am, who I want, and what I want out of life is becoming clearer little by little. It's an encouraging feeling but scary to let go of what I have been holding on to for so long.

Finally, rainy Sundays are great for just being. Being lazy, being in your pajamas, being a nerd, being happy, being sad, being hopeful--just being.

So that is my rainy Sunday--wish me luck along my Korean strewn path ;)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Cult of Snuggie, Lee Min-ho, and Procreating Barbie

Okay, where do I start? Lets start with the first item in the subject line--The Cult of Snuggie. Look it up on youtube. Just type in "The Cult of Snuggie" into the search line and it will bring up a short, but hilarious video that cuts together an infomercial for a long blanket with sleeves, and makes it look like an advertisement for a cult. I was at a staff training on Tuesday and one of the people in my group had on a sweater that looked like a Snuggie--I wanted to burst in to laughter out loud, but I couldn't because, well, my mouth gets me in to enough trouble. It was even funnier because their sweater was the color of the teal/blue snuggie AND this person is kind of crazy so I could totally see them as a member of The Cult of Snuggie. My mind is a scary, but very entertaining, place.

Speaking of entertainment--"Boys Before Flowers" is my official new addiction. Lee Min-ho is my official new baby's daddy. Gu Jun Pyo is my fantasy boyfriend (besides the vampires). Last night as I searched the internet for previews of the next episode (which I never found, blech!) I became convinced that I could suddenly read Korean because I happened to click the correct button on a Korean website. I was confident I could now navigate the web in Korean AND I wouldn't have to wait for subtitles because obviously I had finally proven that learning by osmosis works--stare at the shit long enough and it soaks in to your brain. Armed with my newfound Korean language I clicked another button on the website and I was promptly taken to a site that looked to be Korean news. I figured this little hiccup was nothing and I clicked another button--and a very scary man started yelling about rice in Korean. I clicked the box shut and logged off, still convinced I knew Korean. The reason for the break in my search was that "Lost" was about to start and I may be addicted to BBF, but "Lost" is the original addiction and I can't miss one minute of the episode. There are two Korean characters on "Lost" and when they started speaking Korean last night I was pulled back to reality when I realized I had no freaking idea what Sun and Jin were saying and I had to read the subtitles. Stupid Korean language....I stand by my position on osmosis--it will happen eventually--don't be surprised if one day I just start speaking Korean. Lets hope that day comes soon so I can watch my BBF episodes quicker.

I posted a blog the other day where my best friend was insistent that Barbie and Ken had procreated and the result was Skipper. Since that discussion my best friend has texted and called me to let me know that there people that agree with her theory. Her sister, a co-worker, and an internet friend--and to you all I say this--SUCKERS!! I LOOKED IT UP!!! In 1964, Skipper was introduced AS BARBIE'S SISTER!!! She has remained as such since then. Also, Ken and Barbie are in fact married, however, there marriage has resulted in no children. So, Ken and Barbie, just have hot sex just for fun and not procreation! HA! Take that religious right wing conservative bastards! For those of you who question this the website address is --look it up, it's all there. And to my best friend's co-worker who agreed with me, make the hooker buy you lunch tomorrow at Los Gordos cause we were right!! And make lots of fun of her!!

On a final note, to all of you planning a romantic Valentine's Day I say this. Screw you. Thank you and goodnight.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Ken, Barbie, Korean Drama, and Subtitles...

I am addicted to a Korean drama called "Boys Before Flowers". It is currently airing in Korea and so I must consistently check my designated websites to see if the current episodes have been posted AND subtitled. This evening in the midst of my frantic search to find parts 5 and 6 of the epi that aired last night in Korea--and staring at a screen full of Korean, convinced that I would magically learn the language by staring at it--I was interrupted by a call from my best friend, the Queen. I informed her of my latest addiction and proceeded to tell her that I was in desperate need to learn Korean so I didn't have to search for subtitled episodes, but also that I had been humming Korean pop songs to myself all weekend, singing only the words to the lines that were in English. Imagine me walking through my house with my dog singing "Together make it love, forever making you smile, lalalalalalalalala...." Yeah, I know--scary. Anyhow, back to the phone call...somehow over the course of the conversation about my shiny and new Korean drama addiction the subject of Ken and Barbie came up. As in the plastic dolls, the Queen, her sister and I obssessively played with throughout our young lives.

I explained to my bestie that Barbie was a plastic doll with no anatomy and that Ken was much the same, save for a small bulge in his plastic underwear that let you know that what was under his plastic undies was not the same as what was under Barbie's. My friend then brought up the subject of Skipper--I always thought that Skipper was Barbie's little sister or friend or something--the Queen had other ideas. She insisted that Skipper existed because Barbie and Ken had, in fact had sexual relations and produced Skipper. It happened on their wedding night and nine months later Skipper arrived. I didn't agree with her logic and so I asked her which Barbie and Ken model had produced Skipper. Again, her answer was ready--clearly it must have been the original Barbie and Ken that had relations and produced the teenager Skipper. I called her a dork and she retaliated by calling me a dork as well. I asked her why I was a dork like her and she stated it was because I didn't believe her (at least she did not blame my newfound penchant for Korean dramas). My bestie went even further and stated that Ken and Barbie were based on real people that had gotten married, had relations, and produced a child named Skipper. She insisted it was on the Matel website. I still disagree with her.

In short my best friend and I are complete goofballs, but I think we both needed the laugh. Ah well, I'm off to learn Korean...wish me luck. Any help with this matter would be greatly appreciated. And on the off chance that Lee Min-ho or Kim Bum are reading this--I love you both and I want to have your Korean American babies.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

I cheated...well sort of...

Okay, so I don't get to the movies as often as I would like anymore. All my potential movie dates have children, with the exception of one--she would rather go to a bar where people reenact their high school personas than go watch "Slumdog Millionaire"--anyhow, I digress...I found a site a few months ago called where you can read a detailed synopsis of a movie instead of watching it. Today as I perused the internet I decided to check the site and see if any movies I felt like spoiling for myself were up and I was pleasantly surprised to find the spoiler for "He's just not that in to you". I wasn't sure I wanted to see it so I thought I would read the spoiler and decide (I want to see it by the way). I don't want to ruin anything for anyone, but a theme of the movie is "you have to find yourself, not someone else, before you can find true love" Cliched. Smarmy. Cheesy. Hallmarkish. And true.

I feel like lately life has been trying to impart some truth on me, and I think this is it. I was the little girl that grew up on All My Children, One Life to Live, General Hospital and a myriad of spanish telenovelas. I think somewhere inside my head I tricked myself in to believing that love isn't easy. Love is a long, hard fought journey and only after you have overcome all the obstacles are you allowed to be with your true love. I thought it meant finding someone else and accepting them and holding on no matter what. I was convinced that the princess would always be rescued by her prince after all the evil was vanquished. Then I fell in love. I hung on for dear life and rode out all the bumps along the road but something went wrong, because at the end of everything--the evil was not vanquished and I was without my prince. I didn't know what to do because at the end of the novela happiness abounded. Tad and Dixie always found their way back to each other. This wasn't supposed to happen.

But it did. It happened. It hurt. It was like no other pain I had experienced. And more importantly I knew that it was my fault because I must have missed something along the way. I must not have done something I was supposed to do, otherwise why would it have turned out so wrong? Something was wrong with me. At least that's what I thought then.

Which brings me back to the truth that life has recently imparted on me. I was listening to my Taylor Swift CD after I bought it and I listened to the song "White Horse"--in case you haven't heard it the main line is "I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale"--and I was overcome with a sense of sadness. I couldn't figure out why the song hit me so hard--until I was singing along with it one day and I realized why it was hard to listen to. Everything I had grown up believing about love and relationships was wrong. There was no formulaic route that a relationship had to take in order to achieve a happy ending. And maybe even when all the evil was vanquished it didn't mean that the prince loved the princess. And me? Was I princess? Damn straight I was (and still am)! I was not, however, a damsel in distress who needed rescuing at every turn. I was just me. Book nerd, English teacher, bitchin' accessorizer, ME.

Then I realized something else. Love shouldn't be hard. I know that all relationships will face their hard times, but maybe there is such a thing as too much. Perhaps love doesn't need a formulaic path of hardships before it is realized. Maybe love is really easy to find and we are just looking way too hard--maybe I'm looking way too hard, or maybe because I thought it was supposed to be so hard I just gave up looking at all.

So, that's where I'm at folks. One rather large realization and in the midst of overhauling my outlook and perspective on myself and on love. All in a Sunday's blog post.

Monday, February 2, 2009

KFC, thou art most disturbing...

Okay, so I needed to wind down from all the craziness of the day and I decided to rot my brain some more by watching television. It was at some point during "For the Love of Ray J" that I became truly troubled. You would think that Brandy's younger brother being a man whore for 14 hoochies would be disturbing enough, but then a commerical for KFC came on.

A young woman dressed as a cook appeared on the screen talking about special herbs and spices and all of the hard work that goes in to the KFC!! Then she went on to state that she was a COOK at KFC...and that every KFC has one!! WHAT!!?!?!?!? The heart attack inducing grease peddlers have a cook on staff at every restaurant?? Seriously? Has society become so horribly unintelligent that either a) some dumb asses at KFC couldn't drop chicken into hot grease and they had to create a position where someone less stupid than them could do it or b) KFC really thinks that everyone watching that commerical is actually going to believe that you have a cook on staff at every restaurant so while you're filling arteries with grease we can convince ourselves it's an actual restaurant---all I have to say is EW! My yearly trip to KFC is can clog my arteries, but you cannot insult my intelligence, you grease peddling stupidity mongers!

I now interrupt this rant to begin watching "I Love Money 2". Lets hope it leaves enough brain cells for another one or two blog entries.